I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
