Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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