Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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