he shaved USA in his pubs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
