All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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