Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
