Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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