u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I could make wine with my vomit
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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