I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
