cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
