saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
