Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
