I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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