very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
