Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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