Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
