i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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