So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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