She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
