i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
