i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
