Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
