Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
