Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize