oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
