i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
