my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm at about main and main street
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
