that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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