its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
