my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
