two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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