dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
