People with herpes should wear stickers.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
