He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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