I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
