the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
