Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it