if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
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All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...