I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver