Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
