If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
