I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
