Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
please don't ironically join a cult
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