my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
