So drunk its hurt
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
