her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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