I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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