marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
