alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
