I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
