so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
nutella sex= disaster
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
