Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
