Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
