But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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