Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
