Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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