So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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