i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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