'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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