i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
