whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
