Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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