its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
