I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize