My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
