I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
