She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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