Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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