I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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