My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
