At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
